Note from the Blogger:
My bad. I haven't written anything here in months and I'm sorry. Not so much for you (the family members and occasional Facebook friend who accidentally clicked on my blog link), but more for myself. I really wanted to be good at writing consistently during my pregnancy, but alas, I let other activities get in the way (like building Portland’s new Apple store and occasionally sleeping). I actually started writing quite a few blog posts, but none of them felt right and they all ended up as unfinished notes on my iPad. There was always something missing that kept me from continuing. I started writing this blog post a couple of weeks ago and wasn't so sure if it was worthy of sharing either. After all, it's somewhat personal and I'm not perfectly happy with how my thoughts got translated onto paper. But here goes. It's about time that I just throw something out there and hopefully you’ll enjoy it.
My bad. I haven't written anything here in months and I'm sorry. Not so much for you (the family members and occasional Facebook friend who accidentally clicked on my blog link), but more for myself. I really wanted to be good at writing consistently during my pregnancy, but alas, I let other activities get in the way (like building Portland’s new Apple store and occasionally sleeping). I actually started writing quite a few blog posts, but none of them felt right and they all ended up as unfinished notes on my iPad. There was always something missing that kept me from continuing. I started writing this blog post a couple of weeks ago and wasn't so sure if it was worthy of sharing either. After all, it's somewhat personal and I'm not perfectly happy with how my thoughts got translated onto paper. But here goes. It's about time that I just throw something out there and hopefully you’ll enjoy it.
IS THERE A BABY IN THERE?
The closing song had ended and the pews were mostly empty: Mass was over, but God had yet another gift in store for me. As I was sitting in the pew putting my jacket on, a little girl walked up to me, pointed to my belly, and very plainly asked, "Is there a baby in there?"
I smiled and replied, "Yes."
"Can I touch it?"
I couldn't help but giggle and let the 5 or 6 year old girl put her small hand on my big belly. "God put the baby in there," I told the curious little girl.
"I know."
She knew? Wow. The most amazing part of this interaction wasn't the mother's expression when she realized her daughter was petting the belly of a random pregnant lady (although that was certainly entertaining), but rather the fact that this preschooler could recognize something that some professors, politicians, and large part of society fail to see: that when a woman is pregnant, there's a baby in there! Not a cancerous growth of tissue, but a real-life human being worthy of being loved.
Now, before you start thinking, "Oh gosh. Here comes Katy's rant about abortion." Let me start by saying this: I'm not here to change your mind if you think abortion is a woman's reproductive right. One blog post could simply never do that. I'm not here to discuss how abortion not only ends a life, but also emotionally and physically scars a woman. I'm not here to debate if life begins at conception or if it starts when a child becomes independent of their mother's body. Although these are all good discussions to have and I may very well go deeper into these topics at a later date, I want to focus on some of the many fruits I've experienced since having a baby "in there." Whether you refer to the child growing inside of you as a mass of cells (or "pregnancy," as Planned Parenthood prefers) or as a baby, it is undeniable that being pregnant changes you, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
When I first found out that I was pregnant, I cried on the floor for a few minutes and wondered out loud to my dog (who was the only one available to listen at the time) how I was ever going to pay for and take care of a baby. I truly understand the panic that some women feel when they find out that they are pregnant—I was hoping to be pregnant and I still had those thoughts of fear and inadequacy! As time passed and after a quick call to one of my best friends, I began to feel a wave of God's grace wash over me: "This is my gift to you." God gave this child to me for a reason. To ME, not to someone else, but specifically to ME. If there were a better person to care for this child, God would have gifted this baby to them, but apparently that is not the case. Whatever gifts and talents that God has cultivated in me must be perfectly suited for raising this child, so I have nothing to fear. My sole purpose in this child's life is lead him or her to Christ. To holiness. To Heaven. What a great calling in life!
Everything changes when you realize that someone is dependent on you. I changed the way I ate (by the way, someone needs to bring me a currently forbidden blue-cheese burger from Red Robin as soon as the baby pops out), changed the way I exercised (as in: I actually started exercising...occasionally), and changed the way I spent money (no more not as many late night trips to Sonic for cherry cream slushes). Society seems to tell us that babies are burdens: that our lives end when a baby's life begins. But I see things very differently. I agree that caring for a baby will require late nights, a lack of sleep, money towards diapers instead of towards Starbucks drinks, rejection of the voice inside my head telling me that I can't go out in public unless I've showered, etc. However, sleep doesn't bring me fulfillment, Starbucks doesn't make my life worth living, and although showering is highly recommended, missing one day won't kill me. Everything I'll sacrifice for this this baby seems so insignificant when I lay in bed at night watching my belly wiggle like jello thanks to the karate kid growing inside of me. Think of what a miracle this baby is!! There's a human being growing inside of me! A miniaturized me! Ten little fingers. Ten little toes. Tiny little eyelashes. Cutest little nose. It’s truly unbelievable!
So yes. Yes little girl, there's a baby in there. And even still with some worries of how I'm going to pay for childcare and fears regarding having to use a breast pump on a construction site (do they make safety vests that hold breast pumps?), I can't wait to meet my little baby boy or girl. Being pregnant has already been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had. I can't imagine the even greater blessings that will come when I can actually hold my precious gift from God in my arms.
The closing song had ended and the pews were mostly empty: Mass was over, but God had yet another gift in store for me. As I was sitting in the pew putting my jacket on, a little girl walked up to me, pointed to my belly, and very plainly asked, "Is there a baby in there?"
I smiled and replied, "Yes."
"Can I touch it?"
I couldn't help but giggle and let the 5 or 6 year old girl put her small hand on my big belly. "God put the baby in there," I told the curious little girl.
"I know."
She knew? Wow. The most amazing part of this interaction wasn't the mother's expression when she realized her daughter was petting the belly of a random pregnant lady (although that was certainly entertaining), but rather the fact that this preschooler could recognize something that some professors, politicians, and large part of society fail to see: that when a woman is pregnant, there's a baby in there! Not a cancerous growth of tissue, but a real-life human being worthy of being loved.
Now, before you start thinking, "Oh gosh. Here comes Katy's rant about abortion." Let me start by saying this: I'm not here to change your mind if you think abortion is a woman's reproductive right. One blog post could simply never do that. I'm not here to discuss how abortion not only ends a life, but also emotionally and physically scars a woman. I'm not here to debate if life begins at conception or if it starts when a child becomes independent of their mother's body. Although these are all good discussions to have and I may very well go deeper into these topics at a later date, I want to focus on some of the many fruits I've experienced since having a baby "in there." Whether you refer to the child growing inside of you as a mass of cells (or "pregnancy," as Planned Parenthood prefers) or as a baby, it is undeniable that being pregnant changes you, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
When I first found out that I was pregnant, I cried on the floor for a few minutes and wondered out loud to my dog (who was the only one available to listen at the time) how I was ever going to pay for and take care of a baby. I truly understand the panic that some women feel when they find out that they are pregnant—I was hoping to be pregnant and I still had those thoughts of fear and inadequacy! As time passed and after a quick call to one of my best friends, I began to feel a wave of God's grace wash over me: "This is my gift to you." God gave this child to me for a reason. To ME, not to someone else, but specifically to ME. If there were a better person to care for this child, God would have gifted this baby to them, but apparently that is not the case. Whatever gifts and talents that God has cultivated in me must be perfectly suited for raising this child, so I have nothing to fear. My sole purpose in this child's life is lead him or her to Christ. To holiness. To Heaven. What a great calling in life!
Everything changes when you realize that someone is dependent on you. I changed the way I ate (by the way, someone needs to bring me a currently forbidden blue-cheese burger from Red Robin as soon as the baby pops out), changed the way I exercised (as in: I actually started exercising...occasionally), and changed the way I spent money (no more not as many late night trips to Sonic for cherry cream slushes). Society seems to tell us that babies are burdens: that our lives end when a baby's life begins. But I see things very differently. I agree that caring for a baby will require late nights, a lack of sleep, money towards diapers instead of towards Starbucks drinks, rejection of the voice inside my head telling me that I can't go out in public unless I've showered, etc. However, sleep doesn't bring me fulfillment, Starbucks doesn't make my life worth living, and although showering is highly recommended, missing one day won't kill me. Everything I'll sacrifice for this this baby seems so insignificant when I lay in bed at night watching my belly wiggle like jello thanks to the karate kid growing inside of me. Think of what a miracle this baby is!! There's a human being growing inside of me! A miniaturized me! Ten little fingers. Ten little toes. Tiny little eyelashes. Cutest little nose. It’s truly unbelievable!
So yes. Yes little girl, there's a baby in there. And even still with some worries of how I'm going to pay for childcare and fears regarding having to use a breast pump on a construction site (do they make safety vests that hold breast pumps?), I can't wait to meet my little baby boy or girl. Being pregnant has already been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had. I can't imagine the even greater blessings that will come when I can actually hold my precious gift from God in my arms.